Conventionality Belongs To Yesterday
by slythatheart
Summary: Grease rewrite, with a twist. Recast with Glee characters and told from the perspective of Rizzo and Kenickie (aka Sebastian "Bassy" Smythe and Dave Karofsky). Written because the image of Dave Karofsky in a T-Birds outfit with greased hair and a cigarette behind his ear HAUNTS me.
1. We're Gonna Rule The School

**Notes: **First of all, I should warn you that this is about 85% self-indulgent crap. Over a year ago I was hit with the mental image of Dave Karofsky with greaser hair and a cigarette behind one ear, clad in tight blue jeans and a T-Birds jacket. Also, a skin tight black shirt because _those arms_. This led to an image of Sebastian in a Pink Ladies jacket and it all devolved from there. The title is a line from the movie's theme song, which seemed appropriate because even though this is set in 1959 like the movie, there are homosexual relationships that aren't huge secrets...so it's a little unconventional in that regard considering the time period.

Anyway, I thought this up literally months before Glee did Grease, but I desperately wanted to write it – with a twist, because let's face it, Rizzo and Kenickie are a much more interesting couple. I just didn't have the energy and motivation. When I eventually started it, I had a _lot _of fun casting each member (also, a lot of fun imagining Sebastian singing "Sandra Dee" about Kurt).

I'm posting this because I'm almost completely sure I'll only finish it if I feel guilted into it by having it as a WIP and it fits in Smythofsky Week 2013 (Day 7 – Crossovers).

The characters may seem a bit OOC, but that's because I'm trying to make each person a little of their Grease character, and a little of their Glee character. There'll be a glossary at the bottom of any chapter with 50s slang that may be hard to interpret.

**Cast List**

_Pink Hotties  
_Sebastian Smythe..._as Betty Rizzo  
_Kurt Hummel..._as Sandy Olsen  
_Rachel Berry..._as Frenchy  
_Sugar Motta..._as Marty  
_Tina Cohen-Chang..._as Jan__  
_

_T-Birds  
_Dave Karofsky..._as Kenickie  
_Blaine Anderson..._as Danny Zuko  
_Finn Hudson..._as Doody  
_Noah Puckerman..._as Sonny  
_Mike Chang..._as Putzie__  
_

_Others  
_Sue Sylvester..._i__s Principal McGee  
_Becky..._as Blanche  
_Will Schuester..._as Mrs. Murdock  
_Artie Abrams..._as Eugene Felnick  
_Quinn Fabray..._as Patty Simcox  
_Coach Beiste..._as Coach Calhoun  
_Sam Evans..._as Tom Chisum  
_Brittany S. Pierce..._as Cha Cha DiGregorio  
_Santana Lopez..._as Leo The Scorpion  
_Mercedes Jones..._as Vi The Waitress  
_Rory..._as Teen Angel  
_Jesse St James..._as Vince Fontaine  
_Emma Pillsbury..._as Mr. Rudie__  
_

* * *

**Chapter One – We're Gonna Rule The School**

Dave took a long pull of his cigarette. It was the first day back at school – what a drag. The only good thing about it was that it got him away from his crazy mother and meant he could spend time with his friends.

And Bassy. Except that he didn't even really know what was going on there. Sure, they'd gotten hot and heavy over the summer, but they hadn't talked about what would happen once classes started back, and Bas was his best friend's ex…_something_.

Not that he thought Blaine would care.

A bunch of people passed him too closely, so he slapped a pile of books out of a nerd's arms and blew a lung full of smoke at him.

"Karofsky! Over here, Karofsky!" He could hear the other T-Birds, but couldn't see them.

"Hey, where you at?" he called out, glancing around. Out of the corner of his eye he saw rushed movement and he turned, spotting Puck, Mike and Finn.

Finn jumped at him. "We're right here!" he laughed.

"Where were you all summer?" Mike asked. He sounded upset that Dave hadn't been around.

"What are you, my mother?"

"I was just askin'," he pouted and Dave rolled his eyes.

He'd spent his days earning some cash for a car, and his nights messing around with Bassy. But he really had to find out what Bassy wanted before that was something he admitted. "I was workin', which is more than any of you's kids could say."

"_Workin'?_" And that was why Dave was about to get a car, but Puck was going to be begging for rides instead of driving his own.

"That's right, I was luggin' boxes at Bargain City, moron."

Puck snickered. "_Nice job!_"

"Eat me," Dave countered. "I'm saving up to get me some wheels."

"Yeah?" Mike was excited, but that was nothing unusual. "You wanna hear what I did?"

_Another lie? No. _

"No."

Mike spent most of his time putting on some act, like he wasn't the next Fred Astaire. He probably got down all through the summer but Dave knew he'd never admit it. He and Blaine only knew because they'd seen Mike practicing one day, but they never told him. Dancing wasn't really the right look for a greaser, so they kept it on the quiet, but that boy was good.

Finn bounced up and down. Not for the first time Dave wondered if he was really T-Bird material. He was kind of an odd ball. "Hey, there's Blaine!" Finn cried out, pointing.

Dave turned just in time to see his best friend, Blaine Anderson, look back at them over a leather covered shoulder. He had a smoke dangling between his lips and was grinning. The other T-Birds were calling out to him and Dave joined them – he hadn't seen Blaine for weeks.

He watched as Blaine sauntered toward them. Blaine threw a hand out to catch Puck in the balls, then ignored Finn and Mike to shake Dave's hand. Dave smacked him eagerly on the arm. "How you doing, huh?"

The others started fighting for Blaine's attention and Dave laughed.

"Good to see you," Blaine grinned as they headed onto the grass, away from the flood of students heading into the building.

"Hey, uh, you see any new babes over there?" Dave asked. If Blaine was chasing some new tail it'd be easy to tell him about Bas, and Blaine had been chatting to someone right near the entrance – prime position to look for someone new.

Blaine shook his head. "Nah, just the same old chicks and dicks everybody's playing with."

Dave wasn't surprised. Aside from freshmen – who were usually too uptight to move past first base, anyway – McKinley didn't usually get a lot of new meat. Dave didn't really care this year, unlike the few years before.

"Hey, so, what did you do all summer, Blaine, huh?" Finn asked.

"I was hanging around down the beach, you know," he replied. Then, more suggestively, "_You know!_"

Puck chimed in, eagerly. "I know what you mean…it's tough with all those babes hanging around you."

Dave snorted. Puck talked a big game, but it had been all talk for a while. The guy had been eyeing up Sugar Motta and the T-Birds all knew it.

"Yeah," Mike chimed in, "well the only thing that hangs around you, Puckerman, are the flies."

"Yeah, right here Mike, huh!" he retorted. He looked like he was going to start up a tough guy bit, so Dave cut in.

He grabbed Blaine's attention. "Hey, how was the action at the beach?"

"Ooh. It was flippin'." Blaine had that look on his face – the one that meant he had stories to tell.

"Ooh. Crazy?"

Blaine nodded with a smirk. "I did uh, I did meet this one guy." His smirk softened into a real smile. Dave glanced at the other T-Birds, but he was the only one who noticed. They all saw Blaine as the fearless leader, the cool cat, but Dave knew him better than that. "He was uh, he was sorta cool, you know."

"You mean he puts out?" Puck could be such a sleaze ball, but he was sort of funny, too. It wasn't even like he was interested in guys; he just always wanted to hear the dirty details. Dave was pretty sure Sugar wasn't even giving him the time of day, so maybe that was why.

"Oh come on, Puck," Blaine said, "is that _all_ you ever think about?"

"Freakin' A!"

The first bell rang. Dave wasn't in any rush to get inside, but he didn't want detention for hanging around outside on the first day, either. He caught Blaine's eye, who shook his head and pointed at Puck. "This one!"

Dave knew exactly what Blaine meant. Puck was a total perve, but he was mostly harmless and just mouthy. Dave rolled his eyes along with Blaine and they headed inside, leaving Puck and the others behind.

"Hey, guys! Wait up."

* * *

Sebastian eased the car into an empty spot. He was out of the door almost before the engine was off, sunglasses on and jacket in hand. Tina climbed out of the passenger side, snickering at nothing, while Sugar gracefully emerged from the back seat.

He sighed, pulling off his sunglasses and looking over the students rushing into the same old building. "Well, here we are again."

"Yeah," Sugar agreed, "but this time we're _seniors_…"

"…and we're gonna _rule the school_!" Sebastian finished with a smirk.

Tina was nibbling on something, like always. She started giggling around her food then tried to shove the whole thing in her mouth. Sebastian laughed at her as Sugar reached behind him to slap her on the arm.

"Tina, that is _so_ adolescent."

"We _are_ adolescents!"

Tina had a point, but Sebastian wasn't about to admit that. He was _not_ going to look like a dumb kid next to Sugar. She was his best friend and all, but she was the only child in an extremely wealthy family – _even wealthier than Sebastian's_ – and she could be a snotty brat when she was in the mood to be.

"We don't have to flaunt it," he shot at Tina. He slid on his sunglasses and draped his Pink Hotties jacket over his shoulders. Once upon a time the jackets had been for the Pink Ladies, but then Sebastian joined and he was _certainly_ no lady. "Okay, girls. Let's go get 'em."

* * *

The final bell rang. Within seconds the flood of noisy students in the corridor disappeared into classrooms and the hallway was silent.

Dave was leaning against a locker next to Blaine, playing with his pocketknife. Finn, Puck and Mike were looking over their class schedules. His schedule was…somewhere. Probably in his pocket. He could find it later, after homeroom.

"Geez," Puck complained as they began to wander down the hall, "every teacher I got this year's flunked me at least once!"

Dave rolled his eyes; that wasn't much of a surprise. If Puck cared so much he should probably go to class sometimes. Dave, on the other hand, didn't care much at all beyond graduating. And shop class. He'd have a car this year; he needed to know how to make her purr.

"If you don't watch it, you're gonna be spending all your time in Sylvester's office," Finn commented, running a comb through his hair.

"Yeah? Well this year she's gonna wish she'd never seen me."

_Yeah, right._

"Oh yeah?" Finn sniggered. "And what are you going to do?"

"I just ain't gonna take any of her crap, that's all. I don't take no crap from nobody."

Dave was stopped by Finn, who had his arms out, warningly. Puck kept strutting as though he owned the joint, right past a corner where Principal Sylvester stepped out behind him. Dave grinned. This was going to be hilarious. He slipped his shades back on and tried not to attract Sylvester's attention.

"Noah," Principal Sylvester called out.

Dave leaned against the wall behind Sylvester with the other T-Birds, trying to look innocent.

"Hello ma'am." Puck sounded surprised. Dave glanced back over his shoulder to see that he had spun around and plastered a fake smile on his face. Dave threw a smirk at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be in homeroom, right now?"

"I was just going for a walk."

"You were just _dawdling_, weren't you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"That is no way to start a new semester, Mr. Puckerman." Principal Sylvester turned to leave, and Puck started muttering under his breath. What a hot head – even Dave could hear him and Sylvester was much closer than Dave was.

Principal Sylvester turned back, clearly unimpressed. "Perhaps a session of banging erasers after school would put you on the right track?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Are you just going to stand there all day?"

"Uh, no, ma'am." Puck blinked, as though remembering that the T-Birds were watching. "I mean, yes, ma'am. I mean—I'm just um—"

Dave watched, amused, as Puck floundered until Principal Sylvester cut him off. _Idiot._

"Well, which is it," she demanded, "yes or no?"

Puck's shoulders slumped. "No, ma'am."

"Good. Then _move_."

"Yes, ma'am."

Once she left, Dave watched Blaine amble over to Puck and lean in towards him. "I'm sure glad you didn't take any of her crap, Puck. You would've really told her off, huh?"

Dave shook his head, laughing, as Finn started mimicking the conversation. "_Mr. Puckerman! Yes, ma'am! No, ma'am!_"

He started to head up the stairs, a few feet behind Blaine. Artie Abrams, the school's biggest nerd, was on his way down. Puck, obviously looking to shift the attention, called out, "Hey, Artie! How you doing?"

Blaine and Dave weren't interested in messing with him, but the other T-Birds were.

"Hi, fellas!" Didn't Artie ever learn? He was always friendly, even though he probably shouldn't be. Dave felt kind of sorry for the guy, but he wasn't about to step in for a dweeb. He was one of the coolest guys in school – and the top dogs didn't protect the runts.

Puck, Finn and Mike started tormenting Artie, giving him a buzz-shake, ruffling his hair, knocking off his glasses. Blaine kept walking, but Dave watched until he thought it was going a bit too far.

He tried to sound impatient instead of like he wanted to defend Artie. "C'mon, let's go."

* * *

Sebastian was shuffling a deck of cards. Their teacher wasn't there, hadn't bothered to show up at all, actually. Sebastian wasn't even sure what class they were in. Tina was sitting next to him and Sugar was wandering around the room when the announcement system crackled. Music started playing and Becky, Principal Sylvester's assistant, struck a few notes on her xylophone to let them know there was going to be an announcement. As if the music didn't already do that.

He sighed, still shuffling his cards as Tina watched, bored, and Finn and Puck flipped through magazines opposite him.

"_Good morning, boys and girls, and welcome to what we are sure will be our greatest year at McKinley. Saturday night will be our first Pep Rally and bonfire…"_

* * *

"…_and I want to see all of you students out there with plenty of support for Coach Bieste and the McKinley Titans. If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter."_

Dave smothered a snort as he snuck as quietly as he could towards Quinn Fabray's bag. She was talking to some guy next to her and hadn't noticed him.

If he was stuck in Biology, Dave was going to make it interesting. He carefully placed the rat he was holding into her handbag and rushed back to his seat, snickering with Blaine and Mike.

Fabray was annoying as hell, anyway, and her friendliness was totally fake.

"_And now for the really good news, and probably one of the most exciting things to ever happen at McKinley High…"_

* * *

"…_The National Bandstand television show has selected McKinley as a representative American high school and will do a live broadcast from our very own gym."_

Well that was…different. It could even be interesting, Sebastian considered. Maybe he could convince Karofsky to clean up a bit for one night. That boy rocked the T-Bird jacket, but he'd be pretty hot in a suit, too.

Finn and Puck were cheering. Sugar was slightly more subdued, clapping as she leaned against a desk. Sebastian didn't react outwardly, but he was grinning on the inside.

"_This is our chance to show the entire nation what fine, bright, clean-cut…"_

* * *

"…_wholesome students we have here at McKinley."_

Dave watched as Quinn reached into her bag. Blaine was next to him and was already leaning forward eagerly.

When Quinn pulled out the rat and screamed, Dave, Blaine and Mike broke out into laughter. She threw the rat high up in the air and rushed out of the room, squealing. Dave threw a ball of paper at her as she bolted through the door then turned back to the boys, play-punching with Blaine as the three of them kept laughing.

Maybe this year would be fun, after all.


	2. He Looks Too Pure To Be Pink

**Notes: **Some of the dialogue has been changed for obvious reasons, but I've tried to keep it as close as possible. By the way, if anyone knows the meaning of "gumdrops" in the context used in the movie, please let me know so I can add it to the bottom – Google has failed me (or I have failed with Google).

* * *

**Chapter Two – He Looks Too Pure To Be Pink**

Sebastian was winding through the lunch tables, food on his tray and Sugar following behind him. They looked cool and he knew it. He ignored the glances shot their way and continued to sing with Sugar and swing his hips.

Tina was already seated and inhaling her lunch. There was a half-eaten apple slowly browning on the table; knowing Tina it was probably hers.

Sebastian arrived at the table just in time for him and Sugar to finish singing, "_Ba-ba-bam-bada-bam-bada-bam-ba-ba!_"

They laughed as they sat down, Sebastian at the head of the table. He hadn't even gotten his jacket off his shoulders before Tina got chatty.

"Hey…did you guys get a look at Anderson this morning?" she asked, looking over at Sebastian as if he should be interested. He wasn't. "Looking pretty good this year, _huh, Bas_?"

Tina was making a stupid face, flipping her sunglasses at Sebastian and grinning as he rolled his eyes. It was true, of course, but Sebastian's interest in Blaine Anderson was in the past.

"That's ancient history," he snapped, fixing his shirt collar and focusing on his lunch.

"Well, history sometimes repeats itself."

He brushed off Sugar's flippant comment with a mocking noise in her direction. Sebastian had actually _liked_ Blaine, but it hadn't lasted. And yeah, sometimes he still wanted to see if he could get under Blaine's skin, but that was mostly pride. Besides, he'd had a lot more fun with Karofsky over the summer than he'd _ever_ had with Anderson, so.

History would _not_ be repeating itself.

"Hey, you guys," came Rachel's voice over Sebastian's shoulder.

"Hi, Rachel," Sugar smiled.

"Hi, Frenchy," Tina said around a mouthful of food as she waved.

A boy with perfectly coiffed hair looked confused at the nickname, blinking over at Rachel, who just grinned and nodded him towards the table. "Go on, sit down."

"Rach," Sebastian greeted, hiding his curiosity by starting his lunch.

"This here is, uh, Kurt Hummel," she said as she sat down beside Kurt then started introducing the Hotties to him. "And, uh, that's Tina and Sugar, and this is Bassy." She turned to Sebastian as she put down her tray. "He just moved here from Sydney, Australia."

"Mmm. How are things down under?" he asked. No one else seemed to catch his double entendre, least of all the wide-eyed boy he was speaking to.

"Oh, fine, thanks."

Sebastian smirked and kept eating. This kid wasn't just innocent, he was downright _naïve_. And heall but screamed blushing twink. He was on the path to getting eaten alive at McKinley.

"Hey, Sugar," Rachel gushed, "are those new glasses?"

"Oh, yeah, just got 'em for school." Sugar looked over the frames and batted her eyelashes. "Don't you think they make me look smarter?"

Sebastian scoffed as he stretched. Sugar didn't need to look smarter; she just needed to act it. "Nah. You can still see your face."

He glanced up and caught a disapproving glance from Hummel. The guy was going to be a total drag, Sebastian could already tell.

Tina smiled. "How do you like school so far, Kurt?"

"It's different," he replied in a soft, effeminate tone. Sebastian was just about to comment on Kurt's voice, when an even more annoying one echoed across the courtyard.

"Hi, kids!"

"Ugh," Sebastian, Rachel and Sugar all chorused while Tina made a face.

"Quinn Fabray," he clarified when Kurt looked lost, "the bad seed of McKinley Hi—" he broke off as Quinn arrived at the table, "—hi!"

Sebastian hated Quinn and her uptight, holier-than-thou attitude. She was full of herself, and the biggest fraud he'd ever met. She plastered on the perfect-little-princess routine and people bought it. It wasn't common knowledge, but Quinn had seen more backseats than Sebastian had, and he'd be the first to admit he'd seen more than his fair share.

The little schemer had even spent the end of last year fluttering her eyelashes at Anderson, and everyone knew he was all about the dick with _very_ few exceptions. In fact, the only girl Blaine had ever kissed was Rachel, and only because he was drunk and wanted to make sure he wasn't bi.

"Oh, I just love the first day of school! Don't you?"

"It's the biggest thrill of my life," Sebastian deadpanned.

She didn't take the hint.

"Oh, you'd never guess what's happened!"

_Go away._

"Probably not," he replied.

Sebastian grinned over at Sugar, who was ignoring Quinn as best she could.

"They just announced the nominees for student council and _guess_ who's up for vice-president?"

He looked up at Quinn, who was beaming down excitedly.

"_Who?!"_ Sebastian asked in his most sarcastic tone.

"Me!" Quinn answered happily, as though Sebastian had been genuinely interested. He threw an overdramatic and clearly fake gasp at her. He'd hoped she'd get sick of his attitude and take the hint, but she was on a roll and was apparently no getting rid of her. "Isn't it the most, to say the least?"

"The _very_ least."

"I just hope I don't make too poor a showing," she spoke conspiratorially, like she was confiding in a close friend instead of trying to show off to people she considered beneath her. The only reason Quinn even bothered with the Hotties, Sebastian knew, was that other students thought that they were cool and would follow their lead.

Sebastian saw an opportunity for a closing and tried to take it. "Well, we certainly wish you the best of luck, don't we girls?" he urged.

The Hotties jumped on his comment, agreeing loudly. Sugar stood up to offer her hand in luck and Quinn took to opportunity to shove a mini-flyer at her. She placed one on the table in front of Sebastian and he looked at it, amused. "Oh," he commented, tearing it in half while Rachel used hers to dab at her mouth.

Quinn seemed to be finally finishing up her little campaign run when she spotted Kurt. "Oh, you must think I'm a terrible clod for not introducing myself to your friend."

Sebastian saw the moment when she decided to sit, and kicked Rachel under the table. Rachel picked up the well bitten apple from the table and dropped it subtly where Quinn was about to plant herself. She had shuffled everyone down until Tina, at the end, had to stand or fall off the bench.

"Hi," Quinn said to Kurt. It was obvious to Sebastian that she was scouting for more sheep to join her little flock. "I'm Quinn Fabray. Welcome to McKinl—oh!"

She flew up from the seat, pulling the apple from it in mortification. The Hotties all laughed as Quinn tried to save face with a fake smile and Tina grabbed the apple from her with a smirk. Kurt wasn't laughing.

_No surprise there_.

"Well, I hope you'll be at cheerleader tryouts," Quinn said to Kurt, leaning towards him. He was smiling at her enthusiasm, which just reinforced Sebastian's opinion of him. "We'll have so much fun and get to be lifelong friends!"

If he had to hear much more, Sebastian was going to hurl. Oh well – Quinn Fabray getting her mitts into one more oblivious follower was not his problem. He took a long sip from his drink as Rachel coaxed the Hotties into a little group around him.

"You guys," she whispered, watching the interaction between Kurt and Quinn, "how do you like Kurt, huh? Do you think we could let him into the Pink Hotties?"

Sebastian studied Kurt. If Rachel was suggesting that, maybe he was missing something. He took in the scene in front of him; Kurt was all sunny smiles, looking over Quinn's notebook without a hint of irritation. _Nope._

"He looks too pure to be Pink," he commented.

"Oh, double doo-doo!" Sugar cried out, suddenly.

"_Please!_" Sebastian replied ironically, gesturing towards Quinn and Kurt as if they might be offended.

"What's up, doc?" Tina asked as she crunched a bite of the apple she was still holding.

"One of my diamonds just fell in the macaroni!"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He loved Sugar, but sometimes she was just too much.

* * *

"Hey, uh, Karofsky, you want a piece of salami?"

Dave was lounging on the bleachers, up against the side rail. He glanced up at Puck who was standing near him, waving a slice of salami that he'd pulled out of his sandwich.

"Are you kidding? If I eat that, I'll smell like you," Dave joked.

"What a stink!" Mike snickered, but he went quiet when Puck glared at him.

Blaine sat up from where he'd been sprawled and pointed over at the field. "Hey, guys. Guys, look."

He stood up to get a better view, and Dave turned to see. A bunch of jocks were training, which was an absolute joke. The Titans hadn't won a single game in years.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Dave announced, loud enough for the team to hear, "dingle-berries on parade!"

The T-Birds all laughed when one of the jocks dropped his helmet and stepped right into it as he jogged. _What a loser._

"Hey, look!" Finn cried out, pointing and laughing, "You really put your foot into it this time, Evans!"

Mike poked his head through the rails. "Yeah, try hopscotch, you hot dog!"

"Oh, what a goof! Gumdrops, man." Puck shook his head in amusement as he climbed further up the bleachers to sit near Blaine. Finn followed.

"Hey. Any of you guys see that new cat in registration? Oh, he sure beats some of the flat ass around here."

"You mean his ass was perkier than Annette's?" Puck asked.

"Nobody's ass is perkier than Annette's." Dave pulled the smoke from behind his ear and lit it as Finn and Puck laughed.

"Right!" he snorted.

"Hey, guys," Finn pointed over to a pair of girls several yards away. Dave sat up and saw Mike lying on a step below them, peeking up their skirts. "Hey!" Finn called out. When the girls looked over he gestured at Mike and they gasped.

They grabbed their lunch trays and rushed off as Mike waved. "Hi, girls!"

"You're a sick man, Mike!" Finn walked over, spraying Mike in the face with a water gun. Dave was a few feet behind him, ready to break up a scuffle if he had to.

"Hey! Hey, ugh!"

Finn laughed and turned back to the group. "Hey, I want to hear about what Blaine did at the beach."

"Yeah!" Dave and Puck both agreed. Dave took a swig from his can and sat near Blaine. The others quickly surrounded them.

"Nah! It was nothing," Blaine said, but it was obvious to Dave he was lying.

"Sure," he answered sarcastically. "Nothing, Anderson. Right." He wouldn't normally push, but he had a feeling that Blaine really liked this guy. He probably wanted an excuse to talk about him.

"C'mon, Blaine. You got in his drawers, right?" Mike prodded and Puck grinned. Puck's filthy mind was slowly rubbing off on Mike, obviously.

"Yeah, come on, come on. Tell us about that guy."

* * *

"What did you do this summer, Kurt?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, I spent most of it at the beach. I met a boy there."

_Ugh_. Sebastian started playing with his fingernails. He wasn't going to think about the boy he spent most of _his_ summer with, not until he knew what was happening between them. He wasn't going to let himself get played again, like he had with Anderson.

"You hauled your cookies all the way to the beach for some guy?" That was just stupid, in Sebastian's opinion.

"Well, he was sorta special," Kurt answered.

"There ain't no such thing," he scoffed. Sebastian tried to ignore the tiny voice inside him that told him he was just bitter.

"He was _really_ romantic," Kurt explained to Quinn, wistfully.

_Yeah, right._

* * *

Dave and Finn were trying to convince Blaine to spill. He wanted to, Dave knew, but he was holding back for some reason.

"Come on, you don't want to hear all the horny details!" Blaine tried, but Puck glared at him.

"Are you _kidding_ me?"

"Alright," he laughed when everyone started to gang up on him and Finn threatened him with the water gun. "I'll tell you!"

While the rest of the T-Birds sat enthralled by Blaine's story, Dave was hearing more than what Blaine actually said. He laughed and joked with the others, making lewd gestures and comments, but he didn't miss the way Blaine's eyes softened when he mentioned the boy he'd spent his summer with, and the fun that they'd had. He must have really been into this guy.

He thought about his own summer, about the time he'd spent with Bas. Bassy was snarky, independent and sarcastic. Dave didn't know how to approach him half the time without starting some kind of argument.

Everything was a battle with Bassy. Dave wondered what it said about him that he kind of liked that.

"Did he put up a fight?" he asked Blaine. And yeah, he was thinking more about Bassy than Blaine's mystery boy, but he was curious.

Blaine didn't answer; he just laughed and told them more. When he started talking about how far they went together, his words sounded fake to Dave. That was strange. Blaine had never been the type to need to pretend, before.

At some point, Dave needed to get his best friend alone and make sure he was all cool without the other T-Birds around.

* * *

The girls were gossiping with Kurt. Sebastian wanted to tune it out, but it was impossible. They were all too high-pitched, too excited and fascinated.

Kurt was gushing about how cute this boy was and how much fun they had. He didn't mention anything that sounded vaguely interesting to Sebastian; the whole thing sounded like a play date rather than a hot summer affair. He rolled his eyes when Rachel asked if it was love at first sight.

_As if._

The other Hotties were rabid for details, even Sugar, who usually tried to act cool. It was appalling – what were they? Eight year olds? Sebastian stretched along the bench. Quinn was in his way, so he shoved her off with his foot, sending both Quinn and Kurt careening towards a trash can.

_Oops._

Eventually, when the girls were begging to hear more, Sebastian had to tack on, "Coz he sounds like a drag."

And he _did. _Sebastian would take some hot action over hand holding and lemonade any day.

When Kurt finished up by telling the Hotties that he and Mr. Just-Turned-Eighteen made a vow of true love, Sebastian rolled his eyes and bit his tongue. If Kurt was that gullible, then he deserved what he got. He'd learn eventually.

On their way back to class the girls dawdled behind with Kurt. Sebastian moved ahead, jacket in hand, hoping to avoid any more gushing. On the other hand Quinn had disappeared earlier, so the day was definitely looking up.

"He sounds real nice," Tina was saying behind him and Sebastian snorted.

"True love and he didn't lay a hand on you?" he threw back over his shoulder. "Sounds like a creep to me."

Sex wasn't _all_ Sebastian wanted in life, but he certainly didn't have time to waste on guys who didn't know how to make him moan.

"Well, he wasn't," Kurt chided. "He was a gentleman."

He was a wuss, more like.

"Hey, what was his name?"

When Kurt answered Rachel, he said the _very_ last name Sebastian expected to hear. "Blaine. Blaine Anderson."

Sebastian spun around quickly. He was floored. Tina and Sugar giggled for a moment, but they shut up when he gathered his wits and smacked at them behind Kurt's back.

Oh…this was _too_ funny. Mr. Manners was _Blaine_? It looked like Kurt was going to learn life wasn't a fairy tale even quicker than Sebastian had assumed.

"Well," he interjected sharply, glaring his friends into silence. Kurt was looking at the girls, puzzled by their reaction, and he pulled Kurt's attention toward him, "I think he sounds peachy keen. And, well, maybe if you believe in miracles, Prince Charming will show up again someday." He was smiling, all teeth and sparkle, but Kurt didn't seem to see the mischief in it. "_Somewhere unexpected_. See you later." He breezed past Kurt. "Come on, girls."

Kurt was left with Rachel when Sugar and Tina followed two steps behind Sebastian, giggling once more. He could hear Kurt asking Rachel if she thought it was possible, and Rachel's reluctant agreement followed by an awkward, "Uh, Kurt, I think we ought to get to class."

* * *

**Glossary  
**Dingle-berries: _lumps of (usually dried) faeces stuck in the hair near the anus.  
_Cat: _a hip person__  
_


	3. We've Got A Surprise For Ya

**Chapter Three – We've Got A Surprise For Ya**

"Hey, man, wait up!" Dave watched Blaine glance back and stop walking with a grin. He was almost out of the school gates, and none of the other T-Birds were in sight. If Dave was going to check in on him, he probably wouldn't get a better opportunity for a while.

"What's up, Karofsky? Missin' me already?"

Dave laughed and shook his head at Blaine's smug attitude. "Cut the bullcrap, Anderson, I can smell it a mile away. You've been acting weird all day, talk to me."

Blaine frowned. He looked like he was three seconds from brushing Dave off. "What're you—"

"Who do you think you're talking to, huh? Come on, man, just coz you can fool the other guys, don't mean I'm buyin' it."

They stared at each other for several moments, Blaine was almost glaring but Dave refused to back down. Finally, Blaine caved. "Fine. Just…not here, alright?"

"Lead the way."

* * *

"So, you gonna interrogate me, or what?"

Dave was sitting on the floor in Blaine's bedroom; legs sprawled in front of him while his back was against the wall. Blaine was on the bed, hands folded behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. He looked like he was relaxing, but Dave was pretty sure Blaine was just avoiding looking him in the eye.

"There's no one else here, Ands. You don't gotta be a hardass on my account."

Blaine snorted but didn't say anything, so Dave spoke again. "How long have we known each other, huh? I know you don't wanna look soft in front of the other guys, but you're my best friend. You were there for me when my mother started treating me like shit, and I was there with some ice when your dad punched you for kissing a boy in fifth grade. You can talk to me, man."

"I know. It's just—it's stupid."

"It's about the guy from the beach, right?"

Maybe he shouldn't have been so blunt, judging from the way Blaine sat up abruptly, but Dave knew when Blaine was going to keep hedging and he was getting tired of it. Blaine was staring at him, and Dave could almost hear the sharp denial on his lips, but then his shoulders sank and he exhaled loudly. "Am I that obvious?"

"Yeah, totally. See how all the T-Birds won't shut up about it?" Dave gestured around the otherwise empty room with an eye roll.

"Right. So you're just a know-it-all then? Maybe you and Fabray should start a club."

"Maybe you're askin' for a knuckle sandwich."

Blaine was grinning, but he'd also pulled his knees up to rest his arms on them. It might have looked casual if Dave didn't know him better, but instead Blaine looked more defensive than Dave had seen him in a while.

It took a while before Blaine spoke, but when he did he looked distant. "He was just—he was really something. You know?"

"I…" Dave's voice caught in his throat, but he hoped Blaine hadn't noticed. "Yeah, man. I know."

And he did, because that was exactly how he felt about Bassy.

"I really liked him. He was different. I could've…it could've been serious with him." Blaine dropped his head into his hands for a minute, then straightened back up and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I mean, what difference does it make? I'll never see him again, his family lives in _Australia_."

"I'm sorry, man." Dave wished he had better words, but he didn't. He felt uneasiness in his stomach that wouldn't settle, thinking about how Blaine must feel. It was bad enough for Dave just not knowing whether he and Bassy were going to still be something now school had started back up, but he couldn't imagine how much worse it would be if he didn't think he'd even _see_ Bassy again. He couldn't put himself in Blaine's shoes, he wasn't sure he'd be dealing with it half as well as Blaine was.

"It doesn't matter," Blaine repeated. "There's nothing anyone can do about it. It sucks, but that's life, yeah?"

Judging by the look on his face, Blaine had had enough of that particular conversation, so Dave smirked. "Yeah, man. So quit mopin' and help me plan ways to make the school bonfire less boring."

"Oh, so that's how it is, huh? You make me pour my heart out then you change the subject?"

Dave was startled. "What? I didn't think you wanted to—"

"Not me, dumbass. You. You've been driftin' in and out of heart eyes all day, so don't go acting like you don't got stuff to share. Come on, man. Best friends, remember?"

He wasn't trying to avoid telling Blaine, not at all. He'd actually been planning ways to tell him all freaking day, but Dave wasn't sure this was the best time, not after Blaine had pretty much admitted, though not in so many words, to being heartbroken. Dave didn't want to make it worse on his friend. He was pretty sure Blaine wouldn't care that Dave was into Bassy, but it seemed unfair to talk about whatever was happening – or not happening, Dave wasn't sure – after the conversation they had just had.

"Man, we're here to talk about _you_, not—"

"Yeah, and we did that. Your turn."

Blaine looked determined; he wasn't going to let it go. Dave sighed, focusing on the carpet and picking at it in favor of looking at Blaine, who was suddenly intent upon staring at Dave now that Blaine wasn't the one making confessions.

"I…okay. Yeah. There's someone."

"You mean Bassy."

It wasn't a question, and Dave was startled. "You…how did you know that?" Blaine was looking amused, like he'd made Dave choke on his own words deliberately. Dave was an idiot. If he could tell when something was up with Blaine, why had he expected that Blaine couldn't do the same for him? "Okay, yes. Bassy. He and I…well…I don't know. It's something, maybe? Or maybe not. We, uh, spent a lot of time together over the summer."

Blaine was watching him, head tilted to the side, and Dave bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't keep talking. He didn't know what else to say, but he felt awkward enough that he might try.

"You're really gone on him, huh?" Blaine didn't sound upset, just curious.

Dave really wasn't sure how to answer that, but he figured that if Blaine could be honest about his feelings, he deserved honesty from Dave, too.

"I am," he said, clearing his throat. "But, man…it doesn't even matter how much, if you wanna red light it. Coz if you don't want me startin' something serious with him, it ain't gonna happen."

"Geez, Karofsky, what am I, the worst friend in history? You think I'm the kind of asshole to not want you to be happy, now?"

"What? No! It's just…I know you guys were a thing—"

"For about _two minutes_. And I wasn't really that into him, you know? The reason I ditched him was because I figured out that you _were_."

"Wait, seriously? You could, uh, tell?" Discomfort washed over Dave. He hadn't thought he'd been so obvious about liking his best friend's boyfriend; he'd tried to ignore it completely at the time.

"Not at first, but yeah. He's all yours. You don't gotta worry about me, get it? I just kinda wish you'd said something _before_ I went there. If I knew then me and Bassy wouldn't have happened at all."

Dave shrugged. He hadn't even really realized it himself until the jealousy he'd felt at seeing Bassy and Blaine together had started to twist in his gut.

"I didn't know. Not until you guys were sort of talkin'. I didn't want to cramp your style, man."

Blaine grinned at him. He still looked a little sad, at least to Dave, but he looked better than he had earlier and that had to count for something.

* * *

It was ridiculous, Sebastian thought, that even though their football team was an utter _disaster_, people still cheered and supported them as though they were national champs.

He only ever showed up to these things because Principal Sylvester noticed the one time he _hadn't_ and had given him hell for weeks over it.

Also, in his experience, school bonfires were a great place to get lucky.

Sebastian was leaning on his car, Rachel practicing some new manicure technique she'd heard about on his hand, while the other girls were sitting around behind him, amusing themselves. He watched as the marching band led in the cheerleaders, who – unsurprisingly – sucked.

Rachel was moving along with the cheer, wiggling her hips and shimmying her chest, probably because Kurt was out there.

His cartwheel could use some work. He looked dazed afterwards, although he seemed to manage the splits without damaging his goods, so Sebastian supposed he wasn't a complete failure.

"_And now...quiet, please. Quiet, everyone..."_

Sebastian tuned out once Principal Sylvester started to speak into the microphone. Instead, he glanced around. It was too dark to see the T-Birds, but Sebastian knew they'd be there, probably hanging out in the same spot they usually did.

Coach Beiste started talking; somehow managing to rile up the students. Sebastian wasn't really paying attention to exactly what she was saying, he was too busy being amused by the way Becky was violently dramatizing the coach's speech on the stage beside Principal Sylvester.

Tonight would have more entertainment than past bonfires, without a doubt. Sebastian had every intention of pushing Kurt and Blaine together and seeing what came of it. He figured it could go two ways; either Blaine would act like the gentleman Kurt had described, embarrassing himself in front of the other T-Birds (which Sebastian thought would be ideal considering how he'd embarrassed Sebastian in front of them last semester), or he would be a jerk and Kurt would learn a valuable lesson.

Sebastian would put money on the second one, which was probably a little sad, but it would be an eventful night, one way or the other.

Besides, Sebastian hadn't seen Karofsky beyond a few glimpses in the halls since school started back up. It was about time he figured out what was going on; whether they had just been some summer fun or if it was more than that. Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone and get an answer.

Not that he cared if Karofsky had just been messing around with him.

He didn't.

He just wanted to _know_.

And if he cared a little – he _didn't_, but _if_ he did – well, that was no one else's business.

Sebastian huffed derisively when Beiste finished up her speech and the crowd erupted. The cheerleaders started a second run and Sebastian wondered how everyone could still hold out hope after seven years of straight losses. When would they figure out that blind optimism just led to disappointment?

* * *

Dave drove toward the T-Birds slowly in his just-bought car. Yeah, she needed a bit of work and he knew the guys would give him hell for it, but he didn't care. At least he had some wheels. Besides, it wouldn't take much to make her the hottest rag top around.

He peered at the group through the dark as he got closer. It looked like Finn and Mike were grabbing at Puck as he shook around like an idiot. Dave honestly didn't even want to know. He spotted Blaine leaning on a car on their other side. He said something and they settled down as Dave got closer.

"Hey, watch out, Pinhead!" Finn cried out as Dave coasted to a stop right beside them.

Blaine wandered over, looking the car up and down, amusement all over his face.

Dave sat back, stretching in a way he hoped looked relaxed, in the driver's seat. "So, uh, what do you think?"

"What a hunk of junk," Blaine laughed. The others snickered and Dave reached out, smacking Finn who was closest.

He knew what the car looked like, but he also knew there was potential in her. Blaine might joke now, but he'd back Dave up when he needed it.

"Wait 'til I give it a paint job and soup up the engine, man. She's gonna run like a champ." He paused, giving Blaine a serious look as he lit a cigarette. "I'm racing her at Thunder Road."

"_Thunder Road?_" Finn asked in disbelief.

"Yeah!" Dave bristled. "You wanna make somethin' of it?"

Finn snorted. "Uh-huh. I wanna see you make something of this _heap_."

Dave glared menacingly, pulling Finn in by the collar until he was wide-eyed and pressed against the side of the car. "You're cruisin' for a bruisin'."

Headlights flashed to the left and Dave looked over just as Puck climbed up onto the bonnet of his car and spoke. "Hey…what are Satan and her gang doing here? This ain't their turf."

Santana Lopez and her Scorpion assholes were puttering by slowly in their flame-painted rod, making sure the T-Birds knew they were there.

"Think they wanna rumble?" Dave asked no one in particular, flicking his switchblade. If Lopez and her goons were looking for trouble, he'd be happy to help them out.

"Yeah, well if they do," Blaine answered as he joined Puck on Dave's car, "we're gonna be ready for 'em."

Santana flipped them the bird as she drove off. The Scorpions were nothing but a bunch of actors, anyway; all bluster, no muster. And who did that fream in the back seat think he was kidding with those threads? He looked like a leather reject from one of those bathhouses Dave had heard about.

The Scorpions might think they were cool cats just because they ruled Thunder Road, but once Dave got his baby fixed up he'd show them.

* * *

Kurt was headed in their direction when the Pep Rally finally ended and Sebastian leaned over to speak softly in Rachel's ear. "We should hook up Kurt and Blaine tonight."

"You think so?" Rachel replied, looking uncertain.

"Yeah, definitely. You heard what Kurt said. They exchanged a vow of _love_. Who are we to stand in the way?"

Rachel's eyes lit up. She was such a sucker for a love story, sometimes.

A few yards away Kurt squealed. "Hey, what you _doing_?" A pair of idiots had come to grope at him and Rachel chased them away. "Aw, thanks, Rachel."

"It's alright. You know something? You were really great out there."

That was an exaggeration, as far as Sebastian was concerned. He hopped off the car and headed over, stopping near Kurt. The girls were right behind him.

"No, I really messed up. I was so nervous."

"Oh, no!" Rachel argued. "Your split was _devoom_."

"Hi Kurt," Bassy cut in.

Kurt turned to face them, a friendly smile on his face. "Oh, hi Bas. Hi, girls."

Sebastian took a deep breath. _Now or never._ And it was definitely better now than out of nowhere at school one day.

He was doing Kurt a favor, really. If this worked out the way Sebastian expected, then at least Kurt wouldn't be embarrassed in front of the entire school. And he'd have the weekend to pull himself together.

Kurt didn't even have to thank him for it.

"We've got a surprise for ya," he told Kurt, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

"A surprise? What is it?" Kurt asked, sounding uncertain. Sebastian dropped Kurt's hand but he continued to follow.

Some part of Sebastian – a tiny little seedling he hadn't even realized existed – hoped Blaine would come through for Kurt. Not that Sebastian believed that would happen, but it would almost be a shame to be right about something so crappy.

"You'll see! Right, Bas?" Tina giggled.

Sebastian could hear Rachel start fussing over Kurt immediately. "Let me comb your hair down a little bit, here."

"Where are we _going_?"

"Want me to fix your collar?"

If Blaine could find it in himself to be a decent guy, maybe there was still hope for the rest of them. And maybe Sebastian would find a Mr. Right one day, too.

_Nah_.

* * *

Dave was slumped across the front of his car. The T-Birds were hanging around him, but all he really wanted to do was talk to Bas. He hadn't had the chance all week.

Blaine was checking out the car. He'd been doubtful at first, but Dave knew he'd come around.

"You know," Blaine said, turning to look at Dave, "if we fix up this car, it could be make-out city. You know that?"

Dave nodded with a smirk. He knew. That was part of why he picked it in the first place.

"Right!" Puck agreed excitedly. "A chick is gonna have to put out before she even gets in!"

"You better believe it, Puck!" Dave laughed. Not that he was interested in chicks, but the idea was the same. And if whatever-it-was-they-were-doing didn't end up going anywhere with Bassy, Dave wouldn't have problems picking up, not in a hot car.

Puck was making a really knowing face. Sometimes Dave couldn't believe how much of a womanizer he acted like, not that Dave had room to talk when it came to his past with guys. Sugar would barely give Puck the time of day and maybe that's why he talked about random chicks so much. Because even though no one said it, all the T-Birds knew how interested in Sugar he was.

Again, not that Dave had room to talk. He wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but he was pretty hung up Bassy. Okay, yeah, it might be nothing. And if that's what Bas said, he'd play it cool. He wasn't going to be some loser chasing after a guy who didn't want him.

But it'd hurt. And he'd probably do exactly what Puck was doing, if he were honest.

"Hey Anderson!" That was Bassy's voice. Dave glanced up to see Bassy with a smirk on his face, the rest of the Pink Hotties in tow. He looked hot as ever – those dark denim pedal pushers really hugged his thighs and ass. Damn. "I got a surprise for ya."

"Oh, yeah?" Blaine scoffed, pushing off the car to take a step forward.

"Yeah." Bassy was chuckling. Just then Tina pushed forward a really sweet-faced looking dude in a cheerleader's outfit. It was the guy he saw at registration the other day; decent looking, _great_ ass, but too squeaky-clean by a mile.

Dave would have probably ignored him if it weren't for the way Blaine reacted.

"Kurt?!"

_Oh, shit. _That was Kurt?

"_Blaine?_"

Well. That probably explained how weird Blaine had been when he was talking about his summer. This guy was nothing like Dave had pictured. He'd pictured someone more like them…or more like the Hotties. Not Mr. American Sweetheart over there.

"What are you – what are you doing here? I-I thought you were going back to Australia!"

This was incredible. Things like this just didn't _happen_.

Even though Dave didn't know him, he could tell Kurt looked happy. Really happy. And so did Blaine. Dave wanted to be happy _for_ them. Blaine deserved this, but it was a _bad_ idea. Yeah, no one really cared that Blaine and Dave liked guys instead of chicks, but that was because they were the coolest and toughest guys around. That would change if Blaine started being all cock-struck by someone like Mr. Judy Garland over there.

"We had a change of plan!"

If Dave had learned anything from his mother, it was that there were still people out there who would make your life hell for being what they thought was "unnatural". He needed to remind Blaine of who he was supposed to be before it went too far.

"I can't..." Blaine was so excited, Dave hated to do it. He stepped up behind Blaine and looked around at the other T-Birds, who did the same. He cleared his throat and Blaine stiffened, glancing at his friends and starting again. "Uh…that's cool, baby. I mean you know how it is – rockin' and rollin' and what-not!"

"Blaine?" Kurt looked confused. Dave didn't blame him. He suspected part of the reason Blaine liked this guy was that he'd been able to be _himself_ around him; _actual_ Blaine, rather than _T-Bird_ Blaine.

"That's my name, don't wear it out," Blaine joked. He wished he couldn't, but Dave could hear the strain in his best friend's voice.

He didn't know how he could feel terrible _and_ relieved, but there it was.

"What's the _matter_ with you?"

"What's the matter with _me_, baby? What's the matter with _you_?"

Dave glanced at Bassy, who was eyeing him keenly. There was no way Dave was mistaking that look. Apparently they weren't just a summer thing after all. He winked at Bassy, whose grin twisted just that little bit further. Oh no, they weren't done by a long shot.

And unlike this pretty-little-prince Blaine had gone nuts for, Bassy was just as cool as they were; he wasn't going to make people laugh at Dave or decide he was a _fairy_.

"What happened to the Blaine Anderson I met at the beach?" Kurt was beginning to sound shaken and desperate. Dave felt bad for the guy – _he did_ – but he was too open; he was going to get trampled at McKinley if he didn't wise up.

"I do _not_ know," Blaine drawled, "I mean, maybe, uh, maybe there's two of us, right?" He paused and shrugged as the T-Birds snickered behind him. "Why don't you take out a missing-persons ad or try the yellow pages? I don't know."

"You're a fake and a phony and I wish I'd never laid eyes on you!"

Kurt was in tears as he threw his pom-poms to the ground and ran off. Dave still wasn't sure if he was the best friend in the world, or the worst one, but he couldn't let Blaine put his reputation on the line like that. Most people were cool, but there were still crazies out there. If you weren't above them you were fair game.

"Whoa!" Puck and Finn were being their usual selves, somewhere between surprised and mocking at Kurt's outburst.

"I wonder if he carries silver bullets," Dave shot coolly, though he placed a calming hand on the small of Blaine's back subtly. He hoped Blaine understood what he was trying to say.

Out of the corner of his eye Dave saw Bassy leave, Tina and Sugar following. He'd have to catch up with Bas later – Blaine needed him for now.

Finn laughed. "Yeah!"

"Whoa! So, he laid his eyes on you, huh, Anderson?" It was Mike, that time, and Dave wondered if he'd have to step in and say a word to the guy before he turned into mini-Puck.

"Hey," Puck nudged Dave as Blaine started pacing, "I bet that's not all he's laid on him."

"Yeah, right!" Finn cackled.

Blaine was walking slowly, shoulders too low. If you knew what to look for – and Dave _did_ – then he looked _devastated._ He knew the other T-Birds would be able to tell something was wrong eventually. Dave had to do something to cheer Blaine up.

"Hey, Ands, I got a car, _remember_?"

"Come on, Blaine," Finn called out and Blaine turned to follow them, expressionless.

"Alright," Dave started, knowing it would take more than a drive to make Blaine feel better, "who's got beer money?"

"I swiped my brother's I.D." Finn offered.

"I got two-fifty," Puck grinned.

Dave jumped in the car, and the guys followed. For the moment, he was going to make Blaine have fun. Later – when they weren't surrounded by idiots – he could be sympathetic and let his best friend pour his heart out.

* * *

**Glossary  
**Actor:_a show-off  
_Cat: _a hip person  
_Fream: _a person who doesn't fit in  
_Rag top: _a convertible car__  
_


	4. Mr Goody-Two-Shoes Makes Me Wanna Barf

**Notes:** Some of the dialogue has been changed for obvious reasons, but I've tried to keep it as close as possible. Also, this is the first, and possibly only time, that I'm incorporating one of the Grease songs with the characters actually singing.

* * *

**Chapter Four – Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes Makes Me Wanna Barf**

Sebastian was sprawled across Rachel's bed on his stomach, Sugar beside him. The others were all dressed for bed. Sugar and Rachel were in short nightgowns with their hair pinned in complicated ways – in preparation for the next day, they'd explained to him once. Tina was in a baggy sweatshirt and Kurt was in some very proper (and very covering) pajamas. Sebastian, on the other hand, had shed his pants but kept his underwear and shirt on. He could easily sleep like that, and they rarely slept on these "sleepovers" anyway. He slept naked at home; it would be stupid to buy sleeping clothes just for these random visits. Plus, the look on Kurt's face when he'd dropped his pants and comfortably walked around in his underwear had been something to savor.

"Hey, look, it's Tina!" Sugar pointed at the commercial that had just started on the television. Tina jumped in front of it and started mimicking Bucky Beaver, playing along.

"Brusha, brusha, brusha! Get the new Ipana…" she continued to sing as she mimicked brushing her teeth with a ridiculous grin. Sebastian couldn't help sniggering as Sugar moved her chest in time with the corny jingle. The best thing about these girls, in his opinion, was that when they were comfortable, they could make fun of themselves and joke around.

None of them took themselves too seriously when they weren't in public.

About halfway through the ad, Sebastian glanced over at Sugar. They each lobbed a plushy at Tina while she wasn't listening, hitting her square in the face and she collapsed backwards with an exaggerated cry as everyone giggled.

"Turn it off!" Sugar complained as Tina threw a stuffed tiger back at Sebastian.

"Hey!" It hit him on the head as he laughed. He turned to Rachel, hand out. "Hey, hand me a ciggy butt."

"Ooh, me too!"

Rachel handed the case to Sebastian then turned to Kurt. "Hey, you want one, Kurt?"

"No thanks, I don't smoke."

_Gee, what a surprise._

Sebastian wasn't shocked in the slightest, but apparently Sugar was. "You _don't_?"

"Go ahead, try it. It won't kill ya," Sebastian encouraged and gestured for Rachel to pass hers along. "Give her a break." He smirked when Kurt took a puff and coughed roughly. What a square. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. You shouldn't inhale unless you're used to it."

Sugar giggled beside him as he put his own smoke between his lips, ready to light it.

"Hey, Kurt, let me teach you how to French inhale. It's really cool – watch." Rachel took a drag of her cigarette, letting the smoke from it curl out of the side of her mouth as Sebastian screwed his nose up. She looked like an idiot. He actually found himself agreeing with the horrified look on Kurt's face.

"_God_," Tina joked, "that is the _ugliest_ lookin' thing I ever saw."

"Nah, the guys really go for it," Rachel smiled at Kurt, who smiled back. For someone so innocent he was strangely endeared by almost anything Rachel said – no matter how ridiculous. "And that's how I got my nickname; Frenchy."

"Sure it is!" Sebastian cackled. He bent over to grab the bottle he'd smuggled in and Rachel swatted him on his ass with a noise of protest that was ruined when she grinned.

"Okay, okay," he laughed, "how about a little Sneaky Pete to get the party going?"

The girls cheered and Sebastian handed the bottle to Tina. Rachel leaped over the bed to shut her bedroom door while Kurt looked on with an uncertain smile.

"Italian Swiss Colony?" Tina read. "Wow, it's imported!" Sugar pulled the bottle away from Tina and swallowed a mouthful as Tina dug into a brown paper sack. "Hey, I brought some Twinkies. Anybody want one?"

"Twinkies and wine. Oh, that's real class, Tina," Sugar teased, winking at Sebastian when Tina grabbed the bottle and pointed at the label.

"It says right here, it is a _dessert wine_."

Tina moved to hand the bottle back to Sugar, ignoring Kurt completely. Sebastian grabbed a magazine he'd been flipping through earlier and used it to smack Tina on the back of the head.

"Hey! Kurt didn't get any wine."

"Oh," Kurt replied softly with that same innocent smile that prickled at Sebastian, "that's okay."

"Bet you never had a drink before, either," he challenged.

"Oh yes I did. I had some champagne at my cousin's wedding once."

If Kurt hadn't looked completely serious as he responded, Sebastian probably would have thought he was making fun of himself. Except that he clearly wasn't.

"Oh!" Sebastian snarked. "Ring-a-ding-ding!"

_This_ was the guy Rachel wanted to bring into the Pink Hotties? A guy who had never smoked a cigarette; who dressed primly and immaculately; who thought a glass of champagne at a wedding was a walk on the wild side?

Sebastian was trying, he really was, but he couldn't get Kurt to loosen up. The guy was tragic; about three steps and five years away from being the perfect little house-husband. All he needed was an apron, some pearls, and the perfect roast dinner recipe.

_You can't save everyone._

Tina had made her way over to Kurt. She was perched on the edge of the bed, wine bottle offered to Kurt who was glancing at it suspiciously.

"What's wrong?" she asked, holding the bottle right in Kurt's face. "We don't got cooties."

Just as Kurt took the most awkward looking mouthful Sebastian had ever seen – and he didn't even make the immediate blowjob comments that popped into his head because he was a _good person_ – Rachel appeared at Kurt's side, with that look Sebastian had learned meant _run_.

"Hey, Kurt, would you like me to pierce your ears for you?"

Kurt almost choked on the wine, and Sebastian, Tina and Sugar tried to sound ominous. "Dun-da-dun…"

"Oh, shut up!"

"Daaaaa!" they shot back, laughing.

Sebastian was really glad Rachel had never got it into her head to try to pierce _his_ ears. But then again, Kurt was kind of a pushover, and Rachel – for all her sweetness and positivity – zeroed in on weakness like a shark. A shark moonlighting as a beautician.

"Isn't that awfully dangerous?" Kurt asked. He didn't sound _nearly_ firm enough for Rachel to accept that as a no.

_Amateur_.

"Oh no, I know what I'm doing," Rachel claimed as soothingly as she could. Sebastian had to smother his snort. "I'm going to be a beautician, you know."

"What's the matter?" he threw in, eager to see if Kurt would cave. "Are you afraid?"

"No, I'm not!"

That sounded defensive. Maybe Kurt was more interesting than he seemed. Not too bright, though.

Sugar held out something shiny. "Here Rachel, you can use my virgin pin."

"Yeah," Tina patted Sugar on the back. "It's nice to know it's good for somethin'!"

"Perfect," Rachel replied, sticking the pin in her mouth – _gross_ – then wiping it on her nightgown.

"Oh, Rachel. I really don't think it's a good idea," Kurt was sounding desperate, but still couldn't just say _no_. The boy needed to grow a pair.

"Oh, well, it's okay." Rachel wasn't even listening. She'd already decided, obviously.

"My father won't like it. I promise you, he doesn't—"

"You won't even—"

"Ow!" Kurt cried out, eyes wide.

"Oh! Uh, Kurt, why don't we go into the bathroom?" Rachel suggested, pulling Kurt by the wrist. "My dads will kill me if I get blood all over the carpet."

"_What?_"

Rachel turned back to face Kurt as she opened the bathroom door. "Oh…it only bleeds for a second."

"Rachel, I don't feel very well."

Sebastian shouldn't – he knew he shouldn't – but he couldn't help himself. "Don't worry about it, Kurt. If she screws up she can always fix your scarf so your ears don't show."

Kurt let himself get dragged into the bathroom and Sebastian shook his head. Some people needed to learn to stand up for themselves.

"Kurt, Kurt," he could hear, muffled, through the bathroom door, "beauty is pain."

The scream that followed was less muffled.

Barely a second later, Rachel stuck her head out of the bathroom. "Would you please get me some ice to numb his earlobes?"

"Why don't you just let the cold water run and stick his ear under the faucet?" Sugar suggested indifferently.

"Oh!" Rachel sounded agreeable as she shut the door tight. It was the dumbest suggestion Sebastian had heard in a while, but he couldn't be bothered going downstairs so he kept his mouth shut.

Sugar dug into her bag and pulled out something bright red. "Personally, I'm getting rather chilly."

She put the short robe on with a dramatic pose, flashing an intricately embroidered dragon at them. Sebastian couldn't pull his eyes away.

"Oh yay! What's that?" he asked. The fabric was soft and silky – it was gorgeous.

"From Bobby in Korea," Sugar told them, fanning herself with fluttering lashes.

"Are you going with a _Korean_?"

Sugar smacked Tina on the head. "No, dummy. He's a marine."

"A marine?!" Tina and Sebastian both squealed. He didn't usually act so insipid but _Jesus_…a_ marine_? Those guys were worth screeching over.

"_Yes_!" Sugar shrieked, excitedly. "You wanna see a picture?"

Sugar handed Sebastian a set of wallet photo sleeves – it rolled open to show at least ten photos, all of different guys.

"God, you're turning into a one-woman U.S.O.!" he said, glancing over them all.

The bathroom door opened and Rachel came out, looking sheepish. "Hey, you guys, Kurt's sick. I just did one ear. He saw the blood and bleurgh!"

Tina shook her head, eyes widened at Rachel. "You ain't getting your hands on _my_ ears."

"Oh, yeah? Well, you'll be sorry," Rachel retorted, "coz I have been accepted to La Coiffure Beauty School."

"You mean you're dropping out of McKinley?"

"I don't look at it as dropping out. I look at it as a very strategic career move."

"Hey," Sebastian interrupted their chatter to show Sugar one of the pictures, "why's it torn in half?"

Sugar tugged the strip of photos out of Sebastian's hands and rolled her eyes. "His old girlfriend was in the picture."

_Fair enough_.

"Uh, Kurt?" Rachel was back by the bathroom door, knocking. "Here's your toothbrush."

The door cracked open, just as Sebastian noticed Kurt's scarf draped on Rachel's dresser. "Oh, thanks, Rachel. I'm sorry to be so much trouble."

He grabbed the scarf, tying it on primly as Rachel sighed and quietly whispered to Kurt as the bathroom door clicked shut once more.

Kurt was – he was the Sandra Dee of McKinley High. Perfect and sweet and just too proper for words. It was disgusting.

"Oh. Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes makes me wanna barf!" Sebastian smirked, turning on some music. He was in the mood to _sing_.

He turned to the girls, playing with Kurt's scarf and batting his eyelashes. "_Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee…lousy with virginity_. W_on't go to bed, 'til I'm legally wed – I can't, I'm Sandra Dee!_"

It was silly, and probably a little petty, but it was _fun_. Besides, a few weeks ago they'd sung a random number on Rachel's desperate need to be Marilyn Monroe's next beauty therapist – it was what they _did_.

He jumped onto Rachel's bed, shoving Tina when she got in his way. "Watch it! _Hey, I'm Doris Day. I was not brought up that way. Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day._"

The girls finally joined in, echoing along with his words as Sebastian leaped off the bed, to perch carefully by Rachel's make up table.

"_I don't drink!_"

"No!" Tina and Sugar cried.

"_I swear._"

"Ooh!" Rachel looked unsure but she didn't stop them, either.

"_I don't grease my hair_," he sang dramatically.

"Ew!"

Tina and Sugar grabbed Rachel, pulling her up to join them on the bed as she finally got into the fun.

"_I get ill from one cigarette_!"

Everyone fake coughed and Sebastian grinned. Mr. Spot, Rachel's huge stuffed panda, fell against Sebastian and he gasped in horror, pushing it away. "_Keep your_ filthy _paws off my silky drawers! Would you pull that crap with Annette?!_"

Sebastian ran back to the bed just as the girls scattered. He stepped up, posing on the shelved headboard by the posters of Rachel's number one crush. "_As for you Troy Donahue – I know what _you_ wanna do! You've got your crust, I'm no object of lust…_"

The girls spread their legs vulgarly as Sebastian grabbed his crotch. "_I'm just plain Sandra Dee!_" they all chorused.

He slid across the headboard, to where Rachel had pinned a picture of Elvis. "_Elvis, Elvis, let me be!_"

He leaped up from where he'd been sitting to swivel his hips as the Hotties giggled at him. "_Keep that pelvis far from me. Just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool…_"

Sebastian bounced off the bed, strutting across the room. "_Hey, Fongool! I'm Sandra Dee._" He wiggled his hips mockingly and sat prissily back at Rachel's make up table as the girls went silent. Sugar gestured at her ear and Sebastian looked over at the bathroom door, where Kurt was standing, looking hurt.

"Are you making fun of me, Bas?"

_Yes_. To be fair, they did crap like that a lot; mostly to each other. Kurt should probably feel welcomed by it.

He clearly didn't.

"Some people are so touchy," Sebastian muttered as he pulled Kurt's scarf off.

* * *

Blaine needed to talk to Kurt, Dave had decided, away from prying eyes. Blaine clearly wanted to try to fix what had happened earlier, although he looked sort of sick at the thought. Dave wanted his best friend happy – if Blaine and Kurt could find a way to be together _without_ ruining the reputation the T-Birds had built, he was behind them. The other guys had agreed to keep their mouths shut and back Blaine up too, although Dave was pretty sure they still thought Blaine was just chasing some hot tail.

Mike, Finn and Puck were singing – well, drunkenly _trying_ to sing – in the back of Dave's car as he pulled into Rachel's driveway. The Hotties always had sleepovers on bonfire nights; he figured Kurt would probably be with them, if the way Rachel had run after him earlier meant anything.

"Will you shut up, you vultures!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"Hey…I-I changed my mind. Let's get out of here."

"Hey, what do you mean?" Puck asked Blaine.

"What do you mean, _what do I mean_?"

* * *

If the T-Birds thought they were being sneaky, they were bigger idiots than Sebastian had thought. They were loud as hell. The girls all ran to the window while Kurt looked puzzled and Sebastian just rolled his eyes at Rachel's shushing.

"Oh! They can't come in here. My dads will flip!"

* * *

"Hey, Mike. Why don't you call him?" Puck suggested.

"C'mon, let's get out of here," Blaine said just as Mike jumped up and propped one foot on the side of the car.

"Oh, Kurt," he cried out dramatically, hand held out, "wherefore art thou, Kurt?"

"Sit down!" Blaine was fuming.

"Sit down!" Dave fisted his hand into Mike's shirt and yanked him back into the seat. "Shut up! Sit down!"

"C'mon, let's go," Blaine tried one more time. He sounded upset.

* * *

While the Hotties and Kurt were peering out the window, Sebastian was wriggling into his pants. For a second he regretted how tight they were – it made putting them on in a rush difficult. But they looked hot, so it was worth it. He was going to have some _fun_.

He rushed over to the window, pulling on his shoes. "You goody-goodies are too much for me. I'm gonna get my kicks while I'm still young enough to get 'em."

Sebastian climbed out of the window and began working his way across the ledge toward the trellis.

"Oh, God!" Rachel squealed. Sebastian wondered briefly how her fathers could possibly not hear her. "What's he gonna do, shimmy down the drainpipe?"

He was edging over the side of the roof ledge when he heard Puck. "Hey, look, there's Bassy!"

"Hey, Bassy, you're doing that without a net!" Sebastian ignored Finn and climbed the rest of the way down, dusted himself off and strutted over to where the guys had jumped out of the car.

"Swell bunch you are, rushing to help a gentleman."

"Gentleman? I don't see a gentleman!"

"Shut up!" Karofsky elbowed Finn who mumbled something else but was otherwise quite. Sebastian smirked; Karofsky was _hot_ when he was aggressive.

Sebastian licked his lips. "What's up, Karofsky?"

"One guess." Karofsky grinned at him then took a drag of his cigarette. The suggestiveness in his tone was crystal clear and Sebastian couldn't help but shoot a quick glance downwards. Those jeans didn't do much to hide anything – not that Sebastian was complaining.

"You got a lot to offer a guy," he replied with a smirk. They obviously weren't keeping whatever it was between them quiet anymore, not if Karofsky was talking like this in front of the other T-Birds.

"Yeah," Karofsky breathed, "you know it."

The way the smoke from Karofsky's breath was hanging in the air made Sebastian want to move in closer, to linger where it drifted and to chase its path backwards to Karofsky's mouth. He thought about it for a split-second, about licking his way past those lips and savoring the beer and cigarette taste he knew he'd find. He thought about it until the haze evaporated and he remembered the others watching.

He glanced away, spotting Blaine still in the car, silent and broody.

"What say, Ands?"

Blaine turned slowly and deliberately, as though he'd rather be anywhere else. "You're looking good, Bas."

Of course he was.

"Eat your heart out."

"Well," Blaine rebutted snidely, "sloppy seconds ain't my style."

_That son of a bitch_.

Sebastian watched, angrily, as Blaine pulled himself out of the car and started walking down the street. And yeah, it was pretty clear he was upset about what went down with Kurt earlier, but that was his own fault. Sebastian didn't deserve being spoken to like that.

"Where are you going?" he snarked. "To flog your log?"

Blaine spun around. He didn't look angry, just resigned. His shoulders were slumped and Sebastian felt a sliver of pity.

Just a sliver.

"Well, it's better than hangin' around with you dorks."

While the other T-Birds called out to Blaine, Karofsky ignored him to smile slyly at Sebastian. He opened the car door and gestured chivalrously. "Your, uh, chariot, good sir."

Sebastian couldn't help but smile – a _real_ smile. Karofsky was…he was something else.

They were on the way down the street when the car backfired and Karofsky cursed. Finn, Puck and Mike were flung from their post on the back of the car into the backseat, crying out protests, and Sebastian took advantage of the moment to face them.

"Okay…so, what do you guys think this is? A gang bang?"

"You wish!" Puck snickered and Sebastian rolled his eyes. Sebastian wouldn't touch Noah Puckerman with someone _else's_ hands.

"Hey!" Karofsky shouted at them, "Hit the pavement!"

Mike looked shocked. "Hey – you gotta be kiddin'?"

"I said now!"

Sebastian didn't know how they could be surprised. Did they really think he and Karofsky would want them hanging around watching while they got some quality time in the backseat?

"Alright, alright," Finn groaned, getting out of the car with the others, begrudgingly.

"Move it!" Karofsky was getting pissed, but hey, if it got these losers out of their hair Sebastian would be happy to help him relax later.

Finn and Mike were muttering under their breath as Karofsky threw his arm around Sebastian. Sebastian leaned in to enjoy it and Karofsky shifted the car into gear and pulled away.

Behind them, Sebastian could hear Puck complaining. "When a guy picks some ass over his buddies, something's gotta be wrong!"

_Or right_, Sebastian thought to himself, smugly, as their voices faded.

* * *

One of the perks of Dave having his own wheels was that he and Bassy could get busy without anyone busting in on them.

They were parked at the lookout, radio buzzing with background noise. They were next to a half dozen other cars, but no one was looking. They were all too interested in getting some of their own.

Bassy was all over him, which he was totally down with, especially since Bassy had just agreed to wear Dave's ring. He was hard in his jeans, could feel that Bassy was the same. They weren't being loud, but they weren't exactly being quiet, either. And fuck, there wasn't enough space in the front seat for where this was headed, so when Bassy arched his back, sliding smoothly over the seats into the backseat, Dave followed a bit more clumsily.

It was getting hot and heavy, mouths desperate and hands roaming. Dave tried to get a grip somewhere on the car, just so he could get a better angle as he pressed Bassy into the seat, while Bassy was biting and licking at him; lips and tongue devouring his mouth and half his face and neck.

"Oh, ooh," he groaned. Bassy's cock was rubbing against Dave's while Dave gripped his firm ass, dragging him closer. "Bassy. Bas. _Bas_."

And Bassy was just as into it, whining and gasping and arching. Dave shuffled lower until he could get his mouth onto Bassy's neck. His legs were bent oddly and cramping, but it was worth it to hear Bassy make those noises, to feel him gripping and clutching at Dave through the leather of his T-Birds jacket.

"Could you call me by my real name?"

"Uh…uh…" Dave could do that. He _could_. He just needed a second, because he wasn't sure he'd ever heard what it actually was. "Oh, uh…"

"Sebastian," Bassy told him, breath uneven. "Sebastian."

"Sebastian," he said, quickly. It tasted good on his tongue, and once he started saying it, he couldn't stop. Not when Sebastian's fingers were squeezing the bulge under his fly until he thought his cock could almost split the zipper. "Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian. _Oh_. Oh, Sebastian. _Sebastian_!"

"Thank you."

And Jesus, Dave didn't need a thank you, he just really needed Sebastian to keep doing what he was doing. Or better, he needed to get those skin tight jeans down Sebastian's hips so Dave could get his mouth on Sebastian's—

"Hey," Sebastian said, suddenly, "you got something?"

Oh, and that was an even better idea. He's stuck some lube under one of the seats the day he picked up the car, and he knew he still had a rubber in his wallet.

He pulled back with a smug grin. "Are you kidding?"

Sebastian chuckled and straightened in the seat, taking a moment to brush his messed up hair back out of his face, while Dave slid his wallet from his pocket and flipped it open. He pulled out the little foil square and held it up. "My twenty-five cent insurance policy."

"Big spender," Sebastian laughed, cupping Dave's face and kissing at his ear, his cheek, his temple. Dave tore open the packet and the rubber split.

Dave's shoulders stiffened and he felt Sebastian lean back to look at him. "What?"

"It broke."

"How could it break?"

He didn't know the answer to that. Weren't these things supposed to last for—? Oh. This was his back up, he hadn't really thought about how long it had been in his wallet. He sighed, shoulders slumping.

"I bought it when I was in the seventh grade," he admitted, scrubbing his hand over his forehead.

"Ohh. Oh." Sebastian sounded as disappointed as Dave was.

When Dave looked back over at him, Sebastian was licking his lips and looking Dave up and down. The night wasn't _over_, Dave figured, there were a whole range of other things he'd like to do to Sebastian. He was about to suggest one of them when Sebastian grinned and shook his head. "Oh, what the hell," he gasped, pulling Dave in for another kiss.

"_Oh_," Dave groaned. Sebastian was burrowing fingers under his waistband, letting them slide across the dripping head of Dave's cock. "_Sebastian_."

There was a loud crunching noise and the car shook, startling them both. Dave sat up abruptly as Sebastian pulled his hand back with a frustrated noise.

"Hey," Dave growled when he saw the leader of the Scorpions in her hot-rod. Lopez had clearly just backed into his car. "What the hell d'you think you're doing?"

"You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep," she said, while her girlfriend snickered in the seat beside her.

Dave stood, poking his head through the tear in his roof that he hadn't quite gotten around to fixing, just yet. "The whole place is a no-parking zone, round heels!"

"Oh, _yeah_?" She sounded pissed. Maybe Dave shouldn't have called her easy, but that bitch just scratched his bumper, he wasn't going to take her bullshit.

"_Yeah_!"

Lopez glared at him and revved her engine. She drove for a few yards and then reversed quickly, hitting his car even harder. One of the tires popped and its hub cap rolled off with a clatter. When she pulled forward, there was a huge dent where she'd hit.

"You're gonna pay for that!"

"Yeah?" she grinned, snidely, as the blonde beside her laughed. "Well, I'll give you seventy-five cents for the whole car, including your twink!"

She was driving off before Dave could do more than throw an empty beer can in her direction, though it fell far short. She was laughing, a sharp sound that was clear even over the noisy burst of flame from her tail pipe. Dave glared after her, while Sebastian fumed beside him.

"What the _fuck_ did she just call me?!"

* * *

**Glossary  
**Round heels:_ a promiscuous woman – ie one who falls onto her back easily_


End file.
